I'm looking for advice on how to effectively support my girlfriend when she's in a bad mood. I've learned that saying 'calm down' or telling her to relax usually makes things worse. What are some better approaches I can take to help her cool off and feel heard?
3 Answers
Don’t try to reason with her when she’s mad. If she’s mad about something you did, just own up to it and apologize genuinely. If it seems like she’s mad about something else, just be patient and let her vent. Remind her that you're there for her if she needs you, and wait until she's ready to talk about everything more calmly. You might also suggest having a rule for when arguments happen that allows for a timeout if things get too heated.
What if she says something hurtful in the heat of the moment? How do you handle that?
One thing I learned is to ask her if she wants sympathy or solutions when she's upset. Sometimes she just needs to vent, and other times she actually wants your input. Just knowing what she needs can really help diffuse the tension. If all else fails, offering her a favorite snack can help bring her mood up too. Sometimes it's the simple things that bring a smile back.
That’s a great idea! I think often it’s easy to misinterpret what our partners need in the heat of the moment.
Or even just asking if she wants to talk about it or needs some time to cool down can be a good way to signal you're there for her.
From my experience, the key is to stay calm yourself and just listen to her. Don’t try to fix anything right away, just let her vent. It may not stop the anger immediately, but it’ll prevent you from saying something that would make it worse. Sometimes, she just wants to feel heard and validated without expecting a solution from you. If she’s upset over text, that’s trickier, but still, give her the space to express what she's feeling instead of trying to engage in a back-and-forth argument.
Exactly! Listening is often more about making her feel heard than it is about solving the problem. Just nodding and saying you understand can go a long way.
What if she starts getting really heated over text though? Should I just leave it until she's cooled off?
That makes sense. I feel like setting those ground rules could help both of you handle situations better.